Louisa Simmonds

English: A small plate with a serving of mashed potatoes. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

They’re obviously having a laugh at my expense at the Coles online food store.

I reckon the alert for ‘NEWBIE ’ shopper has streamed through from the online processing department to the pickers on the floor by now, and they’re taking bets on what I’m going to over-order next.

The family is becoming rather perplexed by the number of core ingredients I forget to buy and the vast quantities of vegetables I have taken to over-ordering in their place.

It’s not like I don’t know that a single apple or potato couldn’t possibly weigh a kilo, it’s just that those fuckers at the supermarkets think it’s funny to sell different products in different quantities to trick perpetually rushed and in-a-permanent-state-of-panic women, like me.

We don’t even eat potatoes in our house really, so twelve kilos arriving on the doorstep was always going to be a problem.

The delivery man had the gall to laugh at me as he unloaded them onto the kitchen floor and then reminded me loudly, and in front of the old man, that I’d made the same mistake with apples the previous week.

Just as the family had begun to believe my ruse about new scientific research from The Lancet that proclaimed the health benefits of adding two daily doses of apple puree with your fish oil.

various potato dishes: potato chips, hashbrowns, tater tots, baked potato, and mashed potatoes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

He’s off my Christmas card list.

Problem is, I don’t have any real excuse for my lack of attention to detail other than that my middle-aged brain is slowly turning to sludge and, frankly, I have far more interesting shit to do than think about how meal-planning and how many vegetables we are likely to consume in a fucking week.

Then again, if I didn’t do the food shop, the whole family would starve.

The old man gave me the disappointed parent look that I reserve for the kids, as he cast his eye critically down the receipt to see how much money I’d wasted on potatoes that we would have to offload to friends with normal kids who eat them, unlike mine, while I subconsciously made a note to add mashed potato to every meal over the next two weeks.

Got any interesting potato recipes to share?

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#Mashedpotato #Women #Health #Family #Potatoes #Home #Humor #Cook