Louisa Simmonds

I know EXACTLY what you’re thinking right now…

True Nature Productions – Sex After Forty – found on http://www.flickr.com

LET’S NOT!

Don’t worry; I’m not going to give you the sordid, hanging-from-the-chandelier-details of the sex the old man and I have on birthdays and Christmas.

But it’s been a week of discussion about sex in the media. Not only has ‘Fifty Shades of Grey‘ been on trial in Australia this week, but we’ve been subjected to Valentine’s Day in the same week, so the pulse rates of the female population have increased in anticipation. And it’s not only the teens who are excited by the prospect of Jamie Dornan with his shirt off; there are plenty of middle-aged women out there, unashamed to admit to feeling titillated by the content of the books and film.

So, about women and middle aged sex…

First of all, men, I hope it’s evident from the reaction to the ‘Fifty Shades’ series that we middle aged women still want and like sex…occasionally, and possibly on our birthdays terms; but we definitely still want it… just as long as it doesn’t clash with anything important like Tyson’s chest on ‘I’m a Celebrity’ or if we’re feeling tired (which is what we really mean when we say we have a headache) or blue, or bloated and aren’t feeling particularly attractive.

You see, after we’ve produced babies and commenced that phase of precariously trying to balance being the perfect mother, perfect employee and perfect partner, something has to give.

And sorry and all that… but for a while, that can be sex.

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And then those young children swiftly develop into horrible teenagers and we have to cope with menopause (and if they coincide it is truly horrible), and then there’s those shocking physical signs of ageing which knock our confidence about our bodies, and those evil hormone imbalances that make us irrational and irritable and even more tired than usual.

So I guess that what I’m trying to get at is that we may both may need to work a bit harder to reach the stars.

So don’t fall for the hype that all middle-aged women are those stereotypes who use up the affection they previously reserved for their partners on their children and eventually become shrivelled up and happy to settle for a platonic relationship AC (after children). The popularity of ‘Fifty Shades’ proved that we DO still get turned on and that we still like an attentive (un-controlling) man/partner, but we respond best when we are made to feel attractive and loved.

In our favour, we mature women know what YOU like by now. We’ve got experience on our side and because we’ve worked out what WE like too, there should be less fumbling around in an long-term relationship and a greater understanding of each others bodies, which leaves more time to experiment. But middle-aged women also recognise that good sex does not a good relationship make.

Sure, sex helps…but it isn’t the be all and end all in this phase of our lives. It’s the icing on the cake…like shared naps, and not having to drag small children around a busy shopping mall or worrying about awkward silences.

When I was a young women I always recognised the signs of a dying relationship when the the physical desire disappeared.

Women are like that. We’re wired a little differently to men. It’s not that we don’t want sex; we just need feelings and emotions attached to enjoy really great sex.

And I think that some men are a bit scared by that complication.

Middle aged, mature women might not have that brash impulsivity and recovery that we had in our younger years, but we possess an inner confidence, experience and the self-respect not to under-sell ourselves. We still love new adventure, in and out of the sheets, but love and respect is what truly turns us on. 

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