Louisa Simmonds

So the old man has finally committed to the purchase of a bed for his study. Not, as I originally suspected, for those afternoon naps we all know he has when he pretends to be working, but somewhere to migrate to in the early hours of the morning when the snoring Olympics begin, of which I, (apparently), am a contender for gold.

Part of me thinks that this could be a dangerous step for our marriage; the other part wants to dance on the ceiling with excitement at the prospect of a good nights sleep. As he has justified, sleeping in separate rooms can’t be any more dangerous to our marriage than the current lack of sleep or the dangerous level of psychotic resentment he feels towards me at 5am each morning.

The stigma that used to surround the move to separate bedrooms must be waning and is certainly no longer limited to people in middle age these days, when even young celebs like Hamish and Zoe Blake are coming out to enthuse about the benefits of a good nights sleep. Recent statistics suggest that as many as one in six couples sleep in different bedrooms. 

The old man has promised me that this won’t become a permanent move and that he will start each night in the marital bed. But I have my doubts. I think the temptation will prove too great once we both begin to reap the benefits of a solid 8hrs sleep.

His study is already beginning to resemble a man cave, with its in-built entertainment from the family Mac and the wine stores that we conceal in there from Kurt. Some fancy new bed linen will guarantee the permanent migration of The Princess each night, so it’s doubtful he will ever leave.

Not that I will miss the prods and terrifying middle-of-the-night commands to ‘ROLL OVER’; the main reason I’m throwing caution to the wind and ignoring the information that such a move might mean a loss of intimacy and connection.

Instead, I’m choosing to see this as an exciting new chapter in our relationship, forcing it to evolve into the arena practiced historically by monarchs, where I can invite him back into the matrimonial chamber when I so desire.

Obviously, never going to happen.

Anyone else made the move?

#snoring #sleep #middleage #Humor #Marriage #separatebedrooms