Louisa Simmonds

Mine doesn’t.

Bitter, much? Well yes, if I’m completely honest.

There are only so many bouquets on Instagram that you can pretend like. And I’ve been forced to accept this sad development (or downturn, which is my preferred term) in our marriage because otherwise I would be a hypocrite.

For as my husband reminds me each time I brush the cobwebs off my one and only vase around the time of my birthday and our wedding anniversary, I am a feminist, and as such I shouldn’t expect any special treatment.

I am a feminist, hence I shouldn’t expect special treatment in the romance department…apparently

But isn’t there an argument for the hormones, greater sentimentality and heightened emotions of the female gender? Because meeting every demand of feminism is hard. And when it comes to flowers, I’m definitely what they call a “guilty feminist” – someone who stands by the majority of the political principles and beliefs of the cause, but who also has a teeny tiny weakness for certain aspects of the chivalry of the past – eg. men buying women flowers.

And…hear me out…I’ve even got a solution to this problem that suits both genders. Perhaps, the gift of flowers could be one way to balance up the inequality meted out in our biological makeup. Flowers for periods, say?

Or periods and menopause? Is that fairer?

We’re celebrating our anniversary this Friday, and I’ve booked us lunch at a swanky restaurant – not because I’m taking the romantic lead but because I don’t want my husband’s input which may fuck up my chances of going where I want to eat – and dutifully bought him an anniversary card.

We’ve reached the professional stage of taking each other for granted in our marriage

Which is what we agreed to do going forward, some years ago, now we’ve reached the professional stage of taking each other for granted in our marriage. We don’t splash out on gifts anymore because he pointed out we agreed that was a waste of money – I think he said something about us not needing material things to prove our love, and I fell for it – although, while the romance isn’t exactly dead, our relationship may need some oxygen.

I think he said something about us not needing material things to prove our love, and I fell for it

Twenty-seven years ago, he used to take me out to dinner and bought me a large bouquet of semi-alive flowers from the servo (nearest petrol station), for which I was grateful. Sometimes, I got chocolates as well, if he wanted a shag. And was it only fifteen years ago, when the kids were still young, that his female workmates he used to plan and cook a three-course meal for me – which, surely has to be definitive proof that I’m worth a bunch of flowers? After that we hit a large road-bump…hmmm… when we sunk to a take-out and found ourselves on the verge of divorce.

Hence, the dinner out was reinstated.

But not the flowers.

Why is it the longer most couples stay together, the less effort they make?

I understand from a financial perspective the poor planning when it came to the date of our anniversary – which lands smack in the middle of all four family birthdays.

But…he didn’t worry about unimportant things like money when we first met.

He married an old-fashioned girl who likes flowers… and that’s why I will be buying them for myself him this year.

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