Category: Sex
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I’m More Concerned About Trump’s Policies Than The Size Of His Dick
There’s been a lot of talk about fruit and veg in the press this week. First, about the loonies here in Australia that think it’s funny to put needles in strawberries, and then there’s Trump’s mushroom-shaped penis, the image in my head of which, I can’t unsee. It’s not that I actively sought out the flagrant…
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Sharing Your Fantasies On A Middle-Aged Weekend Getaway
She luxuriated in the fresh white cotton bedlinen of their four-poster bed as she looked up at him. He lay over her, on his haunches, a quizzical look on his face, the muscles of his arms twitching. He was still beguilingly ripped for a middle-aged man. She shivered as she watched him devour her body…
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Romance Goals And How Sometimes It’s Best To Say Nothing At All
‘Have you farted?’ the old man said to me as he brushed past me to get into my bath water. Not exactly the three words I hoped to hear when we said our vows nearly twenty-five years ago. But if he’d said ‘I love you’, I would probably have worried that he was hiding something.…
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The 16 Best Comments To Get Out Of Sex When You’re Middle-Aged And Can’t Be Bothered
I know you hate me talking about sex, but here’s a bit of frivolity for the weekend… ‘Remind me where the dog goes?’ ‘But it’s after 9 O’clock!’ 3.‘I’ve got this new pair of support knickers you’re gonna love…’ 4.The problem with peri-menopause is that you just never know when your period’s …
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The Brazilian Conspiracy
I’ve always believed that there’s enough unwanted hair on women’s bodies to deal with at this stage of our lives, without us having to go through the pain and cost of getting our fannies waxed every few weeks. I think SOME body hair is attractive I reckon I could start a profitable business in wigs…
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Man Spreading, Bread Rolls And Lesbian Sex: The First World Issues Of The Global Traveller
I’ve moaned before about the Everest of all tortures; that is the twenty-four hour long-haul flight from Sydney to London. One that rivals any agony ever to be invented for breaking terrorists by the Americans at Guantanamo Bay. Well, somehow we survived it. Unlike childbirth, it’s not so easy to forget every moment spent gritting…
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Turning Middle-Aged Invisibility On Its Head
It seems ironic that at this time of my life, when I have the greatest confidence in who I am, society is trying to write me off. Unfair that this game change should come at the same time as my kids finally need less of me, and I have more time to develop my own interests, evolve…
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When You Have To Deal With Shark Month, Stress And Work, All At The Same Time
Don’t you just hate it when your real job gets in the way of what you really want to do with your life? My day job has been woefully demanding of my time over the past few weeks, which has meant that not only has my writing/parenting/viewing of ‘I’m A Celebrity’ suffered, but my stress…
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The Question That Divides A Nation of Parents Of Teenagers
A lot has changed over the past thirty years in terms of what teenagers can and cannot do. happy young couple in bed at morning But nothing sets the cat quite as freely among the pigeons as the question of where parents stand on sleeping arrangements and privileges in the homestead, once teenagers enter into…
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Menopause, Schmenopause
So this whole menopause thing is not as much fun as I thought it would be. View image | gettyimages.com Aside from the tiredness and ANGER, the weight is creeping on, taunting me menacingly, especially because I’ve tried everything in my dietary power to keep it off. It’s not like I’m so vain to really care about…
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European Food Porn
Of course, the really sexy hero of my recent trip to Europe was the food. If you’re a pig foodie like me, you wouldn’t automatically think of the UK as a foodie haven, but France would certainly be up there, pretty close to the top of your list. Let me tell you, though, the Brits…
Louisa Simmonds 