LOUISA SIMMONDS

It turns out that the best things in life are generally free.

With so much hate in the world right now, I decided for this post to move away from philosophising about why life feels so bloody hard at times, and to steal a positive idea from Julia Baird in The Sydney Morning Herald a few weeks ago.

Which seemingly inconsequential experiences brighten your day?

Motivated by Andrea Gibson, the late American poet who sent out a Substack newsletter about “All the tiny things they loved in life”, Julia’s article is an inspiring list of the “tiny”, seemingly inconsequential life experiences, that brighten her days.

Acknowledging gratitude as a strategy towards happiness is drummed into us daily, especially in the mental health space. But though most of us endeavour to be more mindful about how we navigate our lives, it is simply not that easy on a day-day-day basis with the continuous pressures and challenges of modern society. Especially as someone predisposed to catastrophising.

It required a considerable amount of focus to come up with my list, which is the perfect example of mindfulness, I suppose. However, I should point out that although as a content writer I am aware that ideally, my list should appear in a numbered format – because lists attract more views, according to the book of SEO – something about the fluidity of Julia’s piece and the way she connects her “tiny things” to each other felt more personal and engaging, so I’ve replicated her style.

So, here we go…

Like Julia, I love my first hot drink of the day in bed – coffee usually – as the (fairly) reliable Sydney blue sky emerges from the bottom of my blinds to the first chants of the Kookaburras.

That gentle awakening is typically followed by the not-so-gentle awakening from my puppy as he springs onto the bed with his usual crazy, infectious excitement for life. I am not a morning person, but it is hard to resist the look of certainty in his eyes that the day will be a good one, no matter what it holds. Entrenched in the “dinosaur years” of puppydom, there are times when his chewing, barking and overexcitement push my patience to the limit, but his unconditional love and the unbridled innocence with which he absorbs his new world are irresistible.

Usually, I try to trawl through the the news headlines while he naps in bed beside me, avoiding contentious political articles where possible and opting instead for opinion or lifestyle pieces that inspire me to travel, work on my relationships, or cook.

Exercise is something that invigorates me now I have more time for it – did I really say that? However, if I’m feeling tired, I don’t push myself or beat myself up for choosing a less challenging activity because mature me has learned to listen to my body. I leave pummelling my body on the treadmill or lifting weights to better days. Whichever way I go, the second I set my music, podcast or my first position in a yoga class, my mindset starts to improve.

Some days, even the pungent smell of seaweed invigorates me

Like Julia, the ocean on my doorstep is a privilege and a joy of which I take full advantage. It works on all my senses in the best possible way. The sound of lapping waves soothes my brain, the shock of a cold water plunge recalibrates my whole body, and I find even the pungent smell of seaweed invigorating. Like a child, I delight in discovering different shells and oddly-shaped pieces of driftwood on the beach and the sensation of hot sand between my toes

However, despite my dedication to more minimalism in my life, I am a sucker for hotels. Crisp white sheets, black-out curtains, buffet breakfasts, and interesting freebies in the rooms – good beauty products are a real treat – are my idea of heaven. There is also nothing better than renting a quaint house in the country – in Europe or Australia – where I love to prioritise afternoon naps in the heat of the day, doors open to a mesmerising view.

Calls from my daughter who lives in Melbourne are special. We are close, but unlike some mothers and daughters, we don’t talk daily. In fact, most of the week we rely on shared memes that resonate with our dry, often inappropriate sense of humour, although we make up for lost time when we get together. I miss her company and the lens I used to have on her life before she left home, and I lap up her “thirty-something” news – partly with envy and partly with the relief that I am in a stage of life where a night on the couch is as enticing and guilt-free as dinner in an expensive restaurant.

“A spontaneous hug from a close friend or family member is the best”

A spontaneous hug from a close friend or family member is the best. Those from my son are a high value treat. As a result of a challenging few years – both mentally and physically – he continues to live at home, which inevitably sometimes puts a strain on our relationship. So when he reaches out to me now on an emotional level or tells me how much he loves me, I am so proud of how far he has come and his openness to vulnerabilty. It can’t be easy living with your parents as a young adult, and the way he has adapted to our rules and boring lifestyle is a testament to his growth.

Julia expounds on her love of nature in her article, an appreciation that seems to creep up on many of us with age – a bit like gardening. I am no expert in the natural world, but I am more appreciative of the peace it provides me and on occasion, have even found myself admiring an unusual flower or pretty bird – and secretly despising myself for it.

Bush walks, particularly those with the promise of a refreshing dip halfway, remind me of how lucky I am to live in such an abundant landscape. I can’t say I am particularly enamoured with Australia’s spiders or snakes yet – and sharks remain an irrational fear no matter how many times I am told there is more chance of dying in a car crash than in the ocean – but I am endeavouring to be more mindful of the natural beauty around me.

“I love people who go on social media and tell strangers they are proud of them.” Julia Baird

Despite my fears about the impact of social media on our brains, I enjoy positive, clever, inspiring quotes and videos. Dog or cat videos, quotes on mental health or feminism, and the wealth of hilarious memes about mid-life – even though I’m now officially beyond that age – are a wonderful distraction on days I feel overwhelmed. I welcome pportunities to truly belly-laugh or cry these days, and a video of a determined cat falling into a bath or rescuing her kittens from a near death situation reassure me that I am still capable of feeling a range of emotions, despite my advancing years, more mindful approach to drinking, and the side-effects of my anti-depressants.

On the topic of communication, I love it when my husband grabs my hand as we watch tv together in the evening – even though those small acts of affection may represent a mutual celebration of how boring we’ve become or a reminder of how often we take each other for granted. After more than thirty years of marriage, it is easy to forget the importance of touch for maintaining connection.

“Spontaneous messages from old friends and family in the UK and the knowledge that for a brief moment, someone, somewhere is thinking about me, bring me immeasurable joy?”

Spontaneous messages from old friends and family in the UK – and the knowledge that for a brief moment, someone, somewhere is thinking about me – bring equal joy. Because I lost my mother at a young age, I had to learn how to navigate and maintain relationships – in particular those with women – and though I’m not always the most reliable or proactive at checking in with them, I hope I remember often enough with the people I care about the most. Having said that, I believe that the special connection between true friends remains no matter what the distance or time apart.

Finally, I love the idea of community and have the ultimate respect for those who support people less fortunate than themselves. I understand the power of even the “little things” we can each do, like joining a march, sparing some loose change, cooking for someone or simply listening to them.

In the words of Keanu Reeves:

“Life is not about being rich, being popular, being highly educated or being perfect. It’s about being real, being humble, being kind.”