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18 Penises Next Time, Please
Body (Photo credit: Wendy Nelson Photography.) The great thing about genitals is that they get people talking. I know that if I put the word ‘penis’ in my headline, for example, my number of views will increase. The continued fascination with and criticism of women’s bodies churns on – we are still being told what…
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Horrible Homework
Smarties British Candy (Photo credit: fritish) I muscled in on a discussion between some irate mums about homework on Twitter yesterday. Apparently it is a universal issue of monumental proportions and I am not the only parent with the grey hair and eye twitch to prove that my child refuses to do his homework. There are…
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10 Best Father’s Day Gifts
Father & Child (Photo credit: absolut xman) As Fathers Day looms the old man has taken to dropping hints at every opportunity. But what can you really buy for the man who doesn’t believe in spending money? To further complicate things, he has also imposed stringent rules about what we can and cannot buy him.…
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What Do Therapy and Cooking Have In Common?
Moroccan Chicken tagine with Olives (Photo credit: Wikipedia) It’s been a shocker of a week in Dysfunctionality House. It’s funny how something as simple as fusing the toaster on Monday morning, (which tripped the electrical switch so that I couldn’t get out of the garage to go to work), could set off such a chain…
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Sibling Rivalry and The Difference Between Rocks and Rock Music
Rock Me Baby (Photo credit: Bruce McKay Yellow Snow Photography) Sibling rivalry can be a bitch when we’re growing up, although it does serve some purposes. It toughens us up, prepares us for personality clashes that we may have to deal with later in life, and generally metamorphoses into lifelong familial friendship. Sometimes, however, it…
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The 5:2 Dog Diet
As many of you will know, I am a fervent supporter of campaigns that demonise the objectification of women and I detest the unrelenting emphasis on women’s weight that leads to body image issues and the propaganda pertaining to the all-consuming need to be thin. The issue of weight control has to be handled delicately,…
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Position Vacant: House Cleaning Fairy, Sydney
Fairy Wings (Photo credit: thor_mark) Reaching middle age has affected my health in many ways. I am unarguably larger in size, most definitely losing my marbles, but I’m also mentally far less tolerant to…well, just about everything. My biggest and most recent ‘intolerance’ is to house cleaning. The sheer banality of housework, when there are so…
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The Problem With Middle Aged Birthdays
I celebrated a birthday this week. ‘Celebrated’ might be an over-exaggeration. Birthdays are quite peculiar now – I don’t really know how to mentally prepare for them these days. The medication helps. I don’t know whether I should be celebrating the fact that I’m getting older and wiser and the kids should be leaving home…
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Drinking and Driving In Middle Age
No Alcoholics / Kein Alkohol Logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia) As the weekend looms enticingly ahead, negotiations have already begun in our household. Over which of us can drink and which of us has to drive on Saturday night. It’s got to the point where I almost hate getting invitations beyond a reliable bus route. That…
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The female body, Menstruation and Exercise
Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for shocking, educating or causing the men brave enough and ‘new’ enough to read this post, to projectile vomit – welcome to a woman’s world. The Menstruation Tent (Photo credit: GorillaSushi) I have my most interesting thoughts when I’m attempting to drag my body from one end of the local…
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Teenage Dating and Sibling Baggage
SUITCASES ARE USED FOR SEATS AS MEMBERS OF THE YOUNGER GENERATION WAIT FOR A TRAIN IN NEW YORK CITY’S PENNSYLVANIA… – NARA – 556705 (Photo credit: Wikipedia) So Nerd Child casually slipped into the conversation that a male friend of hers would be staying over at Dysfunctionality house next week. Just like that. My Mumdar…
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Middle-Aged Couple Trash Top Hotel
To Mr Bates, Manager of Wrinkly Lodge. Dear Mr Bates, Letter of Apology I am writing to thank you for your letter which I received this week. I would like to reiterate in our defence of your accusations that our celebratory, (I believe you described it in your letter as ‘immature’), behaviour in your hotel last weekend…
LOUISA SIMMONDS 