-
Why I Hate The Beach
The time has come to talk about sand. English: Post in the sand, Brancaster This single post is stuck at an odd angle in the sand, which is scurrying across the beach in a strong westerly breeze. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) I’ve recently come to the conclusion that sand is fully responsible for sabotaging my beach…
-
Middle-Aged Immaturity (And The Tale Of The Carrot Penis)
So the photo of the carrot penis which so obviously tickled my juvenile fancy, didn’t quite resonate in the same way on my Facebook page. As I suspected, my middle-age peers seem to have acquired that elusive level of grown up maturity (previously seen in our parents), at some point during the last five years. And I…
-
Halloween Humbug
It’s Halloween tonight. (SIGH). So here’s the thing. I’m wondering what the general consensus is vis a vis me hiding at the back of the house (with my earphones on), while the trick or treaters are doing the rounds? To avoid them. Obviously. The problem is, that we appear to have messed up geographically (big…
-
Is The Media Killing Teenage Relationships?
Teenagers of various backgrounds in Oslo, Norway. The growing diversity of northern Europe. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) I’ve been trying to get a handle on the machinations of teenage relationships for a while now. Normally I embrace ‘change’ and progress, but the more I understand of the modern day ‘boy meets girl’ scenario, the more I…
-
Those Scabby Perfect Parents Next Door
In principal I consider myself to be a decent person. Very occasionally my control slips and the filter crashes and those inner badass thoughts work their way out, but in my defense I do have a sponsored African child, so I must be fundamentally good, right? Camping in the Seventies by Scuola di Atene I admit that…
-
Middle-Aged Dad Dancing Gangnam Style
As we’re on the cusp of middle-age and empty-nesting, (and the teenagers are FINALLY showing some signs of severing the umbilical chord), we’ve decided it’s time to re-ignite some of the passions we enjoyed in our previous life, the one we shared before the kids took over. Not all of the passions, obviously but we’re thinking about…
-
10 Reasons Why Menopause Isn’t For Pussies
Menopause is ‘ a special time in a woman’s life when they can’t have babies anymore. They get hormonal, mean, rude, short-tempered, angry, and awkward. Bad time for teenagers to live with their moms. She was mean because she was going through menopause‘. Urban Dictionary YAY!! It’s World Menopause Day. An excuse to celebrate irrationality, mood swings and…
-
What Potato Chip Are You?
It’s not that I’m resistant to healthy eating, but one of the bonus aspects about not being able to cook, of course, is that you have a monumental excuse to replace meals with chips (crisps). English: A pile of potato chips. These are Utz-brand, grandma’s kettle-cooked style. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) I admit that I have…
-
Outed By An Asian Salad
I might be wrong, but I suspect a bit of a cooking conspiracy in our social circle; foul play in the kitchen. And I only discovered this conspiracy a few weekends ago when my culinary fraudulence was finally ‘outed’ by an Asian Salad. As a number of you are probably already aware, I am a…
-
Time To Tame The Tightarse
I don’t mean to drone on about the old man’s obsession with ‘my spending’, but it became blatantly apparent to me this week that he has a problem. With my problem. I could justify it as yet another symptom of middle-aged, spousal intolerance, but simply put, there really is nothing attractive about a tightarse, so…
-
See How Easily You Can Wind Up A Teenager
How many irrational and menopausally bitchy comments does it take to wind up a teenager? Not many, in my experience. Obviously I failed the perfect parent test AGAIN this week with my latest fracas with the ADHDer. And the implications of this one, our most serious humdinger yet, were a little more serious than our…
-
Far Too Many Chardonnays and a Funeral
Don’t mock me but I’ve been planning my own funeral arrangements for a while now. It’s not necessarily a middle-age thing, you just do stuff like that when you get exposed to death at an early age; you hyper-focus on your own mortality. It’s not that I’ve become de-sensitized to death either, I just don’t…
LOUISA SIMMONDS 