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The Sins Of The Mothers
In view of Mothers Day in the UK yesterday, I thought I’d tell you about a funny little conversation I had with my son last week. For those of you with younger kids, be warned that like me you will reach a point with your almost-adult kids – usually at the end of seven years…
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What Does International Women’s Day Mean To You?
Firstly, in preparation for that highly original question that is lobbed at me every year around this time – ‘when is International Men’s Day?’ – allow me to remind you fuckers, that it’s every day. But it is indeed International Women’s Day today, a day to celebrate women’s achievements and because, understandably, many of you…
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Housework: Does Your Husband Do His Share?
At a party a few weeks ago, I witnessed a blood-boiling example of inequality. Through the entire three courses of dinner – for which the women had put together salads and baked desserts, organized decorations and gifts for the birthday boy – the majority of the men remained glued to their seats as the women…
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Why Every Parent Needs To Watch Lady Bird
Described by Empire as ‘A coming-of-age story like no other, Lady Bird is smart, emotional, funny and completely original. Rarely has a directorial debut been so assured, so singular and so heartwarmingly affecting,’ the movie Lady Bird has been critically acclaimed worldwide, and as a sucker for any movie that offers the secret to parenting, it…
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Anxiety, Stupidity, And Why The Next Time I Leave The House Will Be In A Casket
After what feels like an interminable period of drought, Sydney has been hampered by the kind of rains we usually only see on Christmas Day, at birthday parties or weddings over the past few days. Unlike my British alter-ego, I have come to enjoy the rain here – a few precious days when I can’t…
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Your Fifties: The Make Or Break Age Where Bad Decisions And Bad Genes Can Catch Up
It is always a shock to hear about the death or illness of celebrities around our own age. While I don’t believe that their lives are more special than mine, it can be hard not to secretly suspect that their barbeque areas aren’t paved with gold. Which was why the passing of Emma Chambers at 53…
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Why Won’t Our Kids Let Us Mold Them Into Who We Want Them To Be?
“You will find as your children grow up that as a rule, your children are a bitter disappointment – their greatest object being to do precisely what their parents do not wish and have anxiously tried to prevent.” “Often when children have been less watched and less taken care of – the better they turn…
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My Husband Seems To Have Forgotten This Year That Valentine’s Day Is A Competition
I choose not to remind the old man about special events during the year, such as our anniversary, my birthday and Valentine’s Day because it makes our relationship so much more interesting. I know that many people frown upon the commerciality of Valentine’s Day, but personally, I have always lapped up the opportunity to receive the…
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There’s A Sandwich Shortage In Australia
Far be it for me to take the spotlight away from Barnaby Joyce’s affair, however, Australia has a far bigger problem than a defunct political role model. It has a sandwich shortage. When you drive through the state of NSW – that bit around Sydney and up to the Gold Coast – you will notice…
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When Your Kids Think They Can Tell You How To Drive
The old man and I are going on a five-day mini break this week. He will drive, because he always drives when we are in the car together and I am having my lips surgically sewn together, temporarily, to avoid any mistimed comments about his driving. I gave up the driver’s seat a while ago…
LOUISA SIMMONDS 