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Mammograms and Pap Tests: The Highs Of Being A Middle-Aged Woman
I’m going for a Mammogram next week. I thought I’d treat myself. Don’t misunderstand me, I know they’re important. Why else would I choose to go? It’s just another one of those truly fun activities we women are subjected to in middle-age. Mammograms sit slightly above the pap test and just below the menopausal flush…
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Too Middle-Aged For A Deconstructed Margarita
I was reminded again of my advancing years on Saturday night, when I innocently requested a Brandy Alexander in a bar. The waitress looked at me as if I’d just time-travelled from the eighties. It’s been a while since we went to a cocktail bar, admittedly. The last time was probably circa 2010 on Hamilton…
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How To Cope With ADHD For Breakfast
English: Symptoms of ADHD described by the literature (Photo credit: Wikipedia) Kurt is particularly vocal in the morning; some might call it manic. Which makes it hard for the rest of us Dysfunctionals, because none of us are particularly great in the morning. ADHD for breakfast is not how I would choose to start my day.…
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The Wedding Anniversary Negotiations
The author does not apologise for the foul language contained in this post. Occasionally, certain descriptive words are necessary to the content. The twentieth wedding anniversary plans are moving forward, although not quite in the direction I had hoped. My sister in Brisbane has kindly taken pity on us and offered to lock up Kurt…
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Equality For Women’s Toilets
A toilet being used by a woman in California. This photo was taken on August 31, 2008 in Charleston Terrace, Palo Alto, CA, US, using a Nikon Coolpix S51. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) Any other women out there feel as f*cking irritated about the inequality in public toilets as I do? I thought you might. I think it’s…
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What Is A True Philanthropist?
Bill Gates Addressing Health Ministers at Meeting on Polio Organized by the Gates Foundation (Photo credit: Wikipedia) I went to a fundraising night for Breast Cancer on Friday night. A small gesture for a worthy cause. The next morning the old man asked me where I’d been – he’d noticed I was missing when he…
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Middle-Aged Divorce Race: Who’s With Me?
I’m slightly peeved about the timing of the recent research into divorce rates in Australia. Apparently, the number of divorces among empty-nesters and (what my father describes as) ‘lifers’ has increased. The release of the stats from the Australian Institute of Family Studies is already creating tension on my domestic front, and I hadn’t even finished…
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Embracing the F Word in Middle Age
Forgive me, readers, for I am about to commit a cardinal blogging sin with a ‘rant’ post. I don’t do these often because I know you read my blog for some non-cerebral, light relief, but I am fed up of being verbally constipated on this particular subject, out of fear of alienation. I need to…
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The Middle Aged Hangover Part IV
I may need to revise my own advice about choosing wine over food, after last night. Let’s just say that my memories of ‘Vivid Sydney’ aren’t quite as ‘vivid’ as they should be. Hangovers can be a b*tch when you’re middle aged. The Middle-Aged Hangover Part Middle IV Middle aged hangovers are one of the…
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The ‘Replacing Food With Wine’ Diet For Women
I’ve never really been one for diet fads or exercise. Food and wine pairing at the fine dining restaurant, The Flute, in downtown Mumbai. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) It’s not that I’m one of those lucky skinny bitches with an irritatingly fast metabolic rate who end up slimmer than before they had babies; I’m just fundamentally too lazy…
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How Can Our Teenagers Still Be Smoking?
So Kurt (Cobain), our son with ADHD, has started smoking. I’m devastated. How can our teenagers still be smoking? No Smoking by machechyp at http://www.flickr.com His decision isn’t exactly a surprise – smoking is a rite of passage for a lot of those rebellious teenagers who are drawn to living life on the edge. It can…
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Have I Become Prudish With Middle-Age?
I recently won a prize for a blog post on http://www.iVillage.com.au. In the previous weeks, the winning prize had been a collection of Revlon nail varnishes – the week I won, the prize was a year’s supply of Vaseline. Now, don’t get me wrong, I was super-excited to be winning anything, (especially for writing), but…
LOUISA SIMMONDS 