Tag: middleage
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Nightmare on Darlinghurst Street
So this was my dream last night…. If dreams do come true, I’m fucked. Bag Lady (Photo credit: Sineakee) The old man and I had met up with friends to go to Govindas cinema in Darlinghurst and we were aimlessly trawling the streets beforehand to find a restaurant suited to everyone’s tastes. (This scenario is obviously…
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Are You Middle-Aged and Worry About Your Health All The Time?
day: twenty-three. [worry] (Photo credit: Hammonton Photography) So when I peed yesterday morning, it was pink. Probably too much information I know, but …just saying. In my mind, I obviously had full-blown bowel cancer. So I did what every woman does when faced with death; I began planning on where I would shop during my…
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Position Vacant: House Cleaning Fairy, Sydney
Fairy Wings (Photo credit: thor_mark) Reaching middle age has affected my health in many ways. I am unarguably larger in size, most definitely losing my marbles, but I’m also mentally far less tolerant to…well, just about everything. My biggest and most recent ‘intolerance’ is to house cleaning. The sheer banality of housework, when there are so…
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The Problem With Middle Aged Birthdays
I celebrated a birthday this week. ‘Celebrated’ might be an over-exaggeration. Birthdays are quite peculiar now – I don’t really know how to mentally prepare for them these days. The medication helps. I don’t know whether I should be celebrating the fact that I’m getting older and wiser and the kids should be leaving home…
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Drinking and Driving In Middle Age
No Alcoholics / Kein Alkohol Logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia) As the weekend looms enticingly ahead, negotiations have already begun in our household. Over which of us can drink and which of us has to drive on Saturday night. It’s got to the point where I almost hate getting invitations beyond a reliable bus route. That…
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Middle-Aged Couple Trash Top Hotel
To Mr Bates, Manager of Wrinkly Lodge. Dear Mr Bates, Letter of Apology I am writing to thank you for your letter which I received this week. I would like to reiterate in our defence of your accusations that our celebratory, (I believe you described it in your letter as ‘immature’), behaviour in your hotel last weekend…
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How To Spice Up Your Middle-Aged Marriage (Or Not!)
Wrinkly Lodge finally beckoned this weekend, for our mini-break. The time had come to celebrate twenty years of marriage, and perhaps even reclaim some of the old passion. English: transhooker katjapueppi working on street Deutsch: Transvestit Katjapueppi auf dem Strassenstrich (Photo credit: Wikipedia) It was the perfect opportunity to spice up our middle-aged marriage, that…
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5 Winter Fashion Must-Haves for Middle-Aged Women
“Winchester Bag Lady” (Photo credit: Flicktone) It’s f*cking freezing at the moment and in a perfect world I would be allowed to just hibernate for the next two months and left to exist on hot chocolates and Schnapps like I tried to in Thredbo. Unfortunately, reality dictates that I have to work, shout at horrible…
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Middle-Aged Divorce Race: Who’s With Me?
I’m slightly peeved about the timing of the recent research into divorce rates in Australia. Apparently, the number of divorces among empty-nesters and (what my father describes as) ‘lifers’ has increased. The release of the stats from the Australian Institute of Family Studies is already creating tension on my domestic front, and I hadn’t even finished…
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Embracing the F Word in Middle Age
Forgive me, readers, for I am about to commit a cardinal blogging sin with a ‘rant’ post. I don’t do these often because I know you read my blog for some non-cerebral, light relief, but I am fed up of being verbally constipated on this particular subject, out of fear of alienation. I need to…
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The Impending Trials Of Being A One Car Family
A Batmobile replica on display at Six Flags Great America, in front of Batman: The Ride. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) We sold the Batmobile this week. Parking in Gotham was just getting too hard, even though the old man did shed some unwanted Christmas kilos walking from whichever parking spot he could find in the next…
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Middle-Aged Baby Belly
nice beer gut (Photo credit: HGruber) The old man has started his annual trip to ‘fitness’, citing his reason as the middle-aged baby belly which has suddenly developed from nowhere, yet protrudes a little too confidently above the over-tight waistband of his trousers. He blames me, of course, for this foreign mass that looks like a five…
LOUISA SIMMONDS 