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Sibling Relationships, Where All’s Fair In Love And War
English: A clementine covered with mould (Photo credit: Wikipedia) I’ve mentioned before how like chalk and cheese my two offspring are. One is going to be an ambassador for climate change and studies rocks out of choice (!) whilst the other is going to become an international rock star. And because they are chalk and…
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My Kitchen Doesn’t Rule, Unfortunately, and The Sorry Tale of Two Baguettes
Morning baguettes (Photo credit: Julie70) I know that my friend didn’t mean it, because she’s one of those really ‘nice’ people that I don’t deserve as a friend. She plants pots of foliage and shit that actually grows and she knows the Latin names of every type of flower as well as making up delicious…
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Middle-Aged Brain Sludge and Mashed Potato
English: A small plate with a serving of mashed potatoes. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) They’re obviously having a laugh at my expense at the Coles online food store. I reckon the alert for ‘NEWBIE ’ shopper has streamed through from the online processing department to the pickers on the floor by now, and they’re taking bets…
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18 Awesome Tips for Surviving The School Holidays With Teenagers
Teenagers (Photo credit: kamshots) Day 1 of the school holidays and the fridge is already empty, the sofas are piled high with bodies I don’t recognise and our home has been re-categorised as a hostel for depraved youth by wotif.com. Some of the younger parents amongst you, who still have cuties for children, will embrace…
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Your Local Doctor: Now Offering One Stop Shopping for Hypochondriac Middle-Aged Women
I RARELY GO TO THE DOCTOR. I mean, I think about going to the doctor all the time, but once I acknowledge that those voices are just my hypochondria talking, my symptoms usually disappear. There are a lot of new and exciting symptoms to investigate and worry about when you enter middle age and the…
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Driven Insane By Kurt Cobain.
So I got a new motor this week. kurt cobain (Photo credit: seattlewhat) I can’t say it was a purchase that the old man took lightly – as many of you know, there is very little manoeuvrability within the old man’s pockets – but after fifteen years of nagging and providing him with several very…
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What Do You Get When You Mix ADHD With PMS?
Tyrannosaurus rex, a theropod from the Late Cretaceous of North America, pencil drawing (Photo credit: Wikipedia) The ambience in Dysfunctionality House has been ‘tetchy’ this week – a direct result of girl hormones creating chaos. When I was a young girl and packed off to a girls’ boarding school, we all took part in a…
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The No Makeup Selfie and Exposing Yourself In Public
I admit it. I felt an immense sense of relief when no-one nominated me to post a no makeup selfie on Facebook. Cosmetics (Photo credit: My Sight, as You See.) I wish I could excuse myself and say, like some critics of the campaign, that I simply didn’t understand the point of how the campaign…
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The Vagina Dialogues
Don’t panic, you haven’t missed out on ‘vagina week’. Gossip (Photo credit: arcreyes [-ratamahatta-]) But I do want to talk about vaginas today, because after a boozy afternoon with some of ‘the girls’ this weekend, I noticed that in spite of being middle-aged the topic of vaginas still dominates our conversation and it starts usually somewhere…
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Parenting Teens and Toddlers: The Similarities and The Differences
toddler (Photo credit: fionnaigh) I revisited toddler-world today for the first time in a long time, when I had two under- fours in the back of my car. One had diarrhoea and we had to stop the car every five minutes and the other didn’t want to be in the car at all – and…
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The Secret To Life When You’re Middle-Aged and Married
Suggestion 1. Outdoor music events. The old man and I are road testing things we can do together once we’re REALLY wrinkly and completely fucking bored of each other. We’ve decided that watching back to back episodes of American tv series that we missed the first time around may not sustain our interest in each…
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Meet The New Middle-Aged Sports Girl
So the diet’s going well. Not really. Some of you might remember that I’ve been trying to shed a few of the mince pie kilos for a few weeks now. Holiday Jogging by Mihhailov at http://www.flickr.com Not in a rash, drinking-nothing-but-shakes kind of way, because I’m not a complete fruit cake. Did someone just say…
LOUISA SIMMONDS 