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Family Holidays and Wounded Male Pride
What I particularly love about the holiday season is that it brings out the best traits in a truly dysfunctional family. I am so enjoying reading the wondrous family holiday stories of my fellow bloggers at the moment, who are at one with their families, secreted away in idyllic holiday oases with their perfect children,…
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2013: The Year Of Living Dangerously
A poorly designed homemade bong for inhalation of cannabis. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) Apparently, I was not alone in being psychotically anxious to see the back of 2013 on NYE. The old man and I have always been highly suspicious of ‘odd’ years and this year did nothing to disprove our fear of impending doom. As…
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What To Do When Teenagers Treat Home Like A Hotel
There have been two fundamental changes this year in NC’s relationship with us: Dysfunctionality House has now officially become her local hotel. The old man and I have been officially replaced in her affections by the boyfriend. I thought I was ready to let my baby out of the nest, let her spread her wings…
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Christmas Is… Love Actually
The family lived vicariously through Love Actually again the other night. It’s a tradition in our house at Christmas, rather like gorging on salmon and cheese canapés, the family row before Christmas lunch and over-salting the vegetables. It’s almost as traditional as watching the Queen’s speech, if you’re part of the Commonwealth. That film still…
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The Christmas Party and The Hangover Part 4
We still haven’t quite worked out how the Princess Spoodle managed to get stuck in NC’s shower cubicle the morning after the Christmas party. We’re praying she didn’t have an all-nighter in there, but it was highly reminiscent of the tiger scene in The Hangover. Who did this? Did she actually have the skill to…
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I Bet Brad Pitt Doesn’t Wear Thongs To Dinner!
How do you think Angelina would react if Brad put his thongs on to go out to dinner? One of the biggest battles my marriage faces at the moment, (successful parenting of Kurt aside), surrounds the old man’s malfunctioning wardrobe. His consistently juvenile refusal to make any kind of effort with his attire (and desire to…
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20 Ways To Get Back At Your Teenagers
After extensive experience, I have come to the conclusion that much like oil and water, Kurt and school do not mix. Singer Britney Spears was one of the best selling female performers of the 2000s. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) Much of my time this week has been spent brown-nosing to school officials, inventing new punishments for…
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Helicopter versus Satellite Parenting
There has been a surprising amount of accusation levelled at me by both the old man and the teens about my mode of parenting recently. The minute I am caught stalking, probing, over-organising, suffocating (NC’s words), or indeed ‘parenting’ (my words), NC starts making patronising whirring noises above my head. Helicopter versus satellite parenting. She…
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Who Do You Dress For In Middle Age?
If you answered that question with a resounding ‘ME’, read on. There’s always so much gumpf in the media about how women look, or should look. English: Dita Von Teese photographed by Steve Diet Goedde (Photo credit: Wikipedia) The great news for women this week was that pubes are making a comeback – but according…
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Are We Spoiling Our Kids?
We started looking for rental property again last week. Versailles 60 (Photo credit: shogunangel) The house of our dreams doesn’t actually exist, of course, because we all have different priorities and expectations. The old man wants to be back at the beach and has an innate fear of the city, I want edginess, NC wants…
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Diary of A Middle-Aged Woman Part Two
This was my diary for last week. There was THE GOOD… Out of all the potential for things going horrendously wrong when you force your non-conformist ADHD teenager to the school formal (where drink and drugs are not allowed), Kurt only forgot his date’s corsage. U-turn on the Harbour Bridge in rush hour – too…
LOUISA SIMMONDS 