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When Are You Too Old To Dance In Public?
Film screenshot from the trailer to Flying Down to Rio (1933) announcing the screen partnership of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers (Photo credit: Wikipedia) Those inspirational memes about the joys of ‘dancing in the rain’ are getting on my t*ts. When you dance in the rain you get wet, blisters and risk breaking a limb…
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Helicopter Parenting
Week 36: Helicopter Parent (Photo credit: WilliamsProjects) We met when we were just seventeen. It was an innocent time. Up until then I had been locked away in an all girls’ boarding school, he in the boys equivalent. He had only thought about sport; I was like a bitch on heat. The stars must have…
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Two Orgasmic Chocolate Cake Recipes For Easter
I’m letting you in on a couple of culinary secrets of mine this Easter. These two recipes are better than sex, and almost as good as shopping. So if you’re married and not getting any, or single and still not getting any, whip up either (or both) of these cakes and you’ll be sated. These…
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Parenting Tips: Dogs versus Teenagers
If you had your choice again, what would you have? The only ally I seem to have in the house these days is the dog. I don’t want to sound like some pathetic male looking for an excuse, but she is the only one that understands me; or shows an ounce of appreciation for what…
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The Ikea Experience – One Big Happy Family
It’s been a productive week. We sold our old house, finally moved our furniture into Gotham and made a long overdue trip to Ikea. The words ‘flat-packed’ and ‘self-assembly’ instill almost as much fear as the word ‘foreplay’ in grown men, yet twenty-five years after my first Ikea purchase for our very first flat in Wimbledon,…
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The Impending Trials Of Being A One Car Family
A Batmobile replica on display at Six Flags Great America, in front of Batman: The Ride. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) We sold the Batmobile this week. Parking in Gotham was just getting too hard, even though the old man did shed some unwanted Christmas kilos walking from whichever parking spot he could find in the next…
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17 Parenting Mistakes No Mother Should Have To Admit To Her Daughter
Quechan Indians, Mother & Daughter (Photo credit: Wikipedia) My daughter turned eighteen not so long ago. It was a seminal moment. I did mean to celebrate the event in my blog, but to be honest I was too busy worrying about the more serious implications; the bigger picture of how old her birthday made me.…
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To Have A Brazilian Or Not To Have A Brazilian? That Is The Question.
Norsk (bokmål)â¬: Bikini lines ved brasiliansk voksing Deutsch: Bikini lines, Brazilian waxing (Photo credit: Wikipedia) I’ve found myself doing more than just swimming at the local pool recently. I’ve begun furtively checking out women’s pubic areas in the public showers. This activity is not linked to any latent lesbian tendencies. It’s strictly all in the…
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Writing: Drawing the Line Between Fiction and Reality
Fiction Stacks (Photo credit: chelmsfordpubliclibrary) I’ve been trying to write a book for a while now. It feels like most of my life. I’m on my second attempt. I gave up on the first one when I stalled at 20,000 words – unfortunately, it wasn’t a children’s book. I wish I’d known at the outset…
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Marriage And The Secret To A Good Rake
English: A pink metal leaf rake; apparently a smaller variant of this classic gardening hand tool, commonly used for raking between plants (or by children as a toy rake) (Photo credit: Wikipedia) ‘I’ve been raking all my life,’ was the old man’s pathetic justification as we fought physically, tooth and nail, over the garden rake…
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Breaking The Rules When The Cat’s Away….
Cat (Photo credit: @Doug88888) The ‘cat’ went away for a couple of days this week. Some work function…apparently. There’s always a distinct shift in the atmosphere in the house when he goes away. A bit like a fog lifting and the sun finally coming out. Admittedly, I miss his dry humour, cuddling his wide mass,…
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Public Swimming Pools – Ten New Rules
swimming pool (Photo credit: freefotouk) A polite message to my fellow swimmers, because it has come to my attention that when one swims to a near Olympian standard in a public pool, it is unfortunately necessary to share one’s water space with members of the public, who may not, necessarily, share the same rigid discipline…
LOUISA SIMMONDS 