Category: Holidays
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When Your Kids Think They Can Tell You How To Drive
The old man and I are going on a five-day mini break this week. He will drive, because he always drives when we are in the car together and I am having my lips surgically sewn together, temporarily, to avoid any mistimed comments about his driving. I gave up the driver’s seat a while ago…
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The Prodigal Daughter Is Not Coming Home For Australia Day, She’s Coming To See Us
The prodigal daughter returns this weekend for the first time since she left the nest. While she assures me that she won’t be celebrating Australia Day for political reasons, I’ll believe that when she turns down the special bottle of Champers I’ve bought for tomorrow. Although I only saw her a few days ago, it…
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Teaching Your Kids The Value Of Money, Hard Work And How Boring It Is To Adult
My father returned to Sydney for the Ashes and took the whole family out to dinner the other night – as in, he paid for all of us, naively telling us that he was going to BEFORE we had ordered from the menu. Like kids in a candy store My kids aren’t used to a…
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Fuck Holidays and Resolutions And Bring Back Routine
Michael Buble took us into Christmas again this year, so I’m going to allow him to take us back out gently and buoy you with optimism for the year ahead with his classic rendition of ‘Feeling Good.’ There was something very anally fulfilling about creating my new January 2018 folder for this month’s blog posts…
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Prioritizing Your Fucks This Christmas
Don’t get me wrong, I BLOODY LOVE CHRISTMAS, but there are certain seasonal chores necessary for its success that have lost their appeal over time. I give you: Making your own mince pies, pudding, gravy, stuffing or bread sauce Cooking a whole turkey, as opposed to a super-processed crown from the supermarket where the birds…
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The Naughty List And Outsourcing Parenting At Christmas
Anyway, according to my hairdresser, who planted the grapevine and is obviously the fount of all knowledge around here, there are now several Christmas apps where parents/kids can connect with Santa before Christmas. You input all your kid’s information into your phone – nickname, age, shoe size etc – so that Facebook nets all their personal…
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What Do You Do When Your Daughter Rejects The Most Sacrosanct Of Family Christmas Traditions?
There has been a rollercoaster of changes in our house recently, all of which are interfering with the slow and steady build up to Christmas and my preparations that I pride myself on each year. That’s the thing about this stage of parenting – one minute you’re stumbling along in a fug of wet-towel-on-the-floor acceptance,…
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Not Exactly Leaving The Nest…But Close
I drove NC to the airport at stupid o’clock this morning. They might not have flown the nest quite yet, but it turns out we have two budding explorers in the family, and from the perspective of two parents that rarely leave the house these days, I see their recent adventures as a reaffirmation that…
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When Are You Too Old To Ski?
It might surprise you to know that we are skiing this week – an interesting choice of holiday for two middle-aged people with anxiety with the physical flexibility of two brick walls. I doubled my medication as a precaution. To be honest, I don’t know what the fuck we think we’re doing, either – skiing…
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Middle-Aged Memory Loss: When You Need A Checklist Just To Leave The House
So apparently, the old man also experiences the whole dementia thing, which I had hoped was short-term in my case and attributed to menopause rather than a permanent decline. Getting out of the house together can be a strain these days and the organization we require to remember everything we need has become an embarrassment. We…
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How To Show Restraint At The Inclusive Hotel Buffet Breakfast
I’d never noticed before that skinny women only eat fruit at the hotel buffet breakfast, but since NC kindly (?) gave me my FitBit for Mothers Day, I’ve become much more conscious of the number of calories going into my body versus calories being burned. Due to medical reasons pertaining to my mental health, I…
LOUISA SIMMONDS 