Category: Ageing
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There’s A Sandwich Shortage In Australia
Far be it for me to take the spotlight away from Barnaby Joyce’s affair, however, Australia has a far bigger problem than a defunct political role model. It has a sandwich shortage. When you drive through the state of NSW – that bit around Sydney and up to the Gold Coast – you will notice…
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When Your Kids Think They Can Tell You How To Drive
The old man and I are going on a five-day mini break this week. He will drive, because he always drives when we are in the car together and I am having my lips surgically sewn together, temporarily, to avoid any mistimed comments about his driving. I gave up the driver’s seat a while ago…
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Eating And Drinking Healthily In Middle Age To Maintain Your Body Weight
I’ve written a lot of posts about this topic in the past because let’s face it, girls, on a scale of stuff that still turns us on in middle age, (where sex with our husbands/partners is at one), food has to be at least a ten. The struggle is real. And to my horror, I recently…
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Hiking, And How To Unhinge An Already Rocky Marriage
It may surprise you to know that the old man and I are not adventurers. We will never jump out of a plane, never consider it personally fulfilling to scale the Himalayas or even camp locally, so it was with some trepidation that we set off on an adventure last weekend. My arty shots –…
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To Be Loved In Death As In Life Is All Any Of Us Can Really Hope For
I lost an uncle over Christmas. And as I write this post, an aunt lies in a hospital bed somewhere in the UK in a medically life-changing situation. Both events have been a sharp reminder that the wheels of time stop for no-one. In words that echo the theme tune of Love Actually – sort of…
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When You Kid Yourself That One Night At The Opera Makes You Cultured
I had steak tonight. It was one of those spontaneous decisions brought on by the anxiety that we’re all going to die soon and I might never taste steak again because I rarely eat red meat these days. I am one of those people that get sucked into the latest health advice about what you…
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Fuck Holidays and Resolutions And Bring Back Routine
Michael Buble took us into Christmas again this year, so I’m going to allow him to take us back out gently and buoy you with optimism for the year ahead with his classic rendition of ‘Feeling Good.’ There was something very anally fulfilling about creating my new January 2018 folder for this month’s blog posts…
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Can I Please Stop Drinking Now?
We’re drawing to the end of those tricky days between Christmas and New Year, where no one really knows what the fuck to do with themselves apart from drink alcohol at odd times of the day and gorge on left-overs. It has been stinky-hot here in Sydney, but at least we’ve had the coolness of the ocean to cure…
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Gardening in Australia, AKA Dancing With Death
With forty-eight hours and thirty minutes to go, no, I’m not the teeniest bit nervous about the arrival of the rellies for Christmas. While one half of me can’t wait to wrap myself up in dad’s arms again and beg him to take me home to let me be a child again, the other half…
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Prioritizing Your Fucks This Christmas
Don’t get me wrong, I BLOODY LOVE CHRISTMAS, but there are certain seasonal chores necessary for its success that have lost their appeal over time. I give you: Making your own mince pies, pudding, gravy, stuffing or bread sauce Cooking a whole turkey, as opposed to a super-processed crown from the supermarket where the birds…
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Aqua Aerobics: Welcome To The Middle-Aged Club Of Fitness
Firstly, I believe that this is an appropriate opportunity for me to issue a formal apology to those women that do aqua-aerobics, that I may have slighted in the past with a secret snigger of immaturity as I swaggered past them, head held high, towards the fast lane of the pool. Because yesterday, I joined…
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Why Do Some People Make You Feel That Pursuing Your Dreams Is A Cop Out?
Currently, when I’m asked at social events ‘what I do’, I metamorphose back into a little girl, look down at the floor nervously and respond, usually in a pathetic whisper ‘I’m trying to write a book’ or ‘I’m trying to make a career out of writing’, then pray they don’t ask me about it. The…
LOUISA SIMMONDS 