Category: Australia
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Stiffness In Middle Age
Sorry to mislead you with the clickbait of my title, but no, this isn’t a titillating article about the benefits of Viagra in middle age. It is, in fact, a piece on the more boring topic of stiff joints and aching muscles at this stage of our lives. Because it seems to me, that as one…
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In The End, We’re All Just Human Beans
I had my second day-surgery last week; a procedure called an Endometrial Ablation, and the medical profession’s latest attempt to stop my uterus from going all Tarantino on me each month. For any of you middle-aged women out there still suffering a Red Wedding-style of monthly – I’ll let you know if it works. In the…
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What Does International Women’s Day Mean To You?
Firstly, in preparation for that highly original question that is lobbed at me every year around this time – ‘when is International Men’s Day?’ – allow me to remind you fuckers, that it’s every day. But it is indeed International Women’s Day today, a day to celebrate women’s achievements and because, understandably, many of you…
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Anxiety, Stupidity, And Why The Next Time I Leave The House Will Be In A Casket
After what feels like an interminable period of drought, Sydney has been hampered by the kind of rains we usually only see on Christmas Day, at birthday parties or weddings over the past few days. Unlike my British alter-ego, I have come to enjoy the rain here – a few precious days when I can’t…
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There’s A Sandwich Shortage In Australia
Far be it for me to take the spotlight away from Barnaby Joyce’s affair, however, Australia has a far bigger problem than a defunct political role model. It has a sandwich shortage. When you drive through the state of NSW – that bit around Sydney and up to the Gold Coast – you will notice…
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Hiking, And How To Unhinge An Already Rocky Marriage
It may surprise you to know that the old man and I are not adventurers. We will never jump out of a plane, never consider it personally fulfilling to scale the Himalayas or even camp locally, so it was with some trepidation that we set off on an adventure last weekend. My arty shots –…
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My Virtual Affair With Jon Hamm And Those Rumors
Some of you might prefer to forget the post I wrote about my sex dream with our prime minister, Malcolm Turnbull – and if not, here’s a reminder. It was one of those bizarre dreams that must have been instigated by medication or alcohol, or a mix of the two. And while some of you tried…
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When You Kid Yourself That One Night At The Opera Makes You Cultured
I had steak tonight. It was one of those spontaneous decisions brought on by the anxiety that we’re all going to die soon and I might never taste steak again because I rarely eat red meat these days. I am one of those people that get sucked into the latest health advice about what you…
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How Do We Educate Our Kids About Sexual Harassment?
I posted this meme on my Facebook page a couple of days ago, and the response to it gave me a thought-provoking insight into the problem of how we educate our kids about sexual harassment and inequality. As a feminist, a woman that wants equality across the board, (and not a bra-burning man-hater, of which…
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Fuck Holidays and Resolutions And Bring Back Routine
Michael Buble took us into Christmas again this year, so I’m going to allow him to take us back out gently and buoy you with optimism for the year ahead with his classic rendition of ‘Feeling Good.’ There was something very anally fulfilling about creating my new January 2018 folder for this month’s blog posts…
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Can I Please Stop Drinking Now?
We’re drawing to the end of those tricky days between Christmas and New Year, where no one really knows what the fuck to do with themselves apart from drink alcohol at odd times of the day and gorge on left-overs. It has been stinky-hot here in Sydney, but at least we’ve had the coolness of the ocean to cure…
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Christmas Day And Vodka Shots, Aussie-Style
It appears that all of those conversations I had with the kids before Christmas about WHAT NOT TO DO when Grandad is here, fell on deaf ears. They didn’t mention The Ashes, but when the middle-aged tribe is heavily outnumbered by Millennials, things don’t always go to plan – and just saying kids, Vodka is…
LOUISA SIMMONDS 