Category: Marriage
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Sharing Your Fantasies On A Middle-Aged Weekend Getaway
She luxuriated in the fresh white cotton bedlinen of their four-poster bed as she looked up at him. He lay over her, on his haunches, a quizzical look on his face, the muscles of his arms twitching. He was still beguilingly ripped for a middle-aged man. She shivered as she watched him devour her body…
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Snoring: First-World Marital Problems In Middle Age
There’s no doubt that there are certain times in a marriage – like right now as the old man’s feelings of disdain and disappointment penetrate the bedroom wall because I am still in bed at 10am on a Saturday morning – that prove more testing than others. But if Trump thinks he’s got problems with…
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A Postmortem Of Twenty-Five Years Of Marriage
As we hurtle towards our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary – celebrations and condolences for which are still under negotiation – it seems to me that the timing couldn’t be more perfect for a postmortem of our relationship. I’ll be honest with you, as the product of divorced parents, I never expected our marriage to last, and…
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What To Watch Next? The Viewing Dilemma Faced By Every Middle-Aged Couple
As the final episode of series 3 of The Wire reached its conclusion last night (and if I’m honest, we were no clearer about what the fuck happened during its twelve episodes), the old man and I reached another crisis of epic proportions in our marriage. What to watch next? Because what to watch on…
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Housework: Does Your Husband Do His Share?
At a party a few weeks ago, I witnessed a blood-boiling example of inequality. Through the entire three courses of dinner – for which the women had put together salads and baked desserts, organized decorations and gifts for the birthday boy – the majority of the men remained glued to their seats as the women…
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My Husband Seems To Have Forgotten This Year That Valentine’s Day Is A Competition
I choose not to remind the old man about special events during the year, such as our anniversary, my birthday and Valentine’s Day because it makes our relationship so much more interesting. I know that many people frown upon the commerciality of Valentine’s Day, but personally, I have always lapped up the opportunity to receive the…
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Hiking, And How To Unhinge An Already Rocky Marriage
It may surprise you to know that the old man and I are not adventurers. We will never jump out of a plane, never consider it personally fulfilling to scale the Himalayas or even camp locally, so it was with some trepidation that we set off on an adventure last weekend. My arty shots –…
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My Virtual Affair With Jon Hamm And Those Rumors
Some of you might prefer to forget the post I wrote about my sex dream with our prime minister, Malcolm Turnbull – and if not, here’s a reminder. It was one of those bizarre dreams that must have been instigated by medication or alcohol, or a mix of the two. And while some of you tried…
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Heghan – There’s Something About Harry
I failed miserably to maintain the cynicism of my Royal Grinchness as I watched the Harry/Meghan engagement interview yesterday, although it is irritating how difficult it is to turn their names into some catchy moniker such as Kimye or Brangelina, which is why I’ve decided on Heghan. My apologies – I’ve used this phot before.…
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The Proudest Achievement Of The Modern World Should Be How We Break Down The Walls Of Inequality
If ever there was a period of time where it’s possible to believe that genuinely bad people do exist, it is probably right now. With daily mass shootings in the US, terrorist bombings all over the world, the ongoing abuse of women and the surge of a far-right movement – it is hard not to…
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The Link Between Insomnia In Middle Age And The Boomerang Generation
Biologically-speaking, there is a proven link between sleep problems, peri-menopause, and menopause. It has something to do with the dying noises created by your ovaries, dreams, and looks as they wither, and a lot to do with how much you hate the person sleeping next to you. However, my own research lists other contributing factors,…
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Maudie, Self-Care and The Simplicity of Love
One pearl of wisdom you finally discover in middle age is the answer to that all-consuming question of “what the fuck is it all about?”. And that it is “love”, of course. And trust me, you couldn’t find a better demonstration of that than the movie I saw yesterday when Louisa-No-Mates dragged herself along to…
LOUISA SIMMONDS 